My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
