I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
