Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Four minutes until I can fart!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
