Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize