Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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