hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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