i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
