my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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