i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
