just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
