Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
