I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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