He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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