peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize