There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
