I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
