I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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