Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
