i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
