Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
