I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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