Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
