TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
