We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
