im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
