Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
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So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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