Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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