i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
