So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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