ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
