My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
