I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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