Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
