Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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