is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
