I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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