its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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