don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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