I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you inspire me to be a worse person
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
