we have officially lost it.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
