We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
