i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
