good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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