with your own penis?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
