he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The air was thick with penises
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
