he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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