so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
