Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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