True but thats because hes a fetus.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
