i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
