Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
being pregnant is like rehab
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
