I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
