We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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