im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
