Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
