I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
