ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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