Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
