I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm like, not good at living.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
