so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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