I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
