I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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