So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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