quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
