dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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