conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
