I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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