i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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