Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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