i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
