I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
