So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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