Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
